I want to be a bodyguard

You know I love my job. Actually scratch that I love the people I work with. My actual job blows. So I think I've decided on what my career path will ultimately be. I'm gonna start eating 7 steaks a day and living at the gym and "accidentally" taking some "designer steroids" from Barry Bonds' "trainer." I'm gonna be fucking huge. Like "holy shit I know my dick is shrunk from this shit but Jesus chicks dig muscles and I'm getting more ass than a proctologist" huge. Then I'm gonna be a bodyguard. No not a real bodyguard for a real celebrity, but rather a "bodyguard" for a C list celebrity. One of those celebrities that no one has told that "hey, no one is ever gonna try to mug you because the fat guy from Borat who ran around with his balls hanging out is more famous than you are" celebrity. Like a Surreal Life all-star type celebrity. Does Tiffany (the 80's pop star) have a bodyguard opening? Or is it Tiffani? Or tifani? I don't know, because NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS! BUT SHE FUCKING NEEDS ME AS HER BODYGUARD!



ok: serious note. I haven't updated on purpose. I've been coming home exhausted, and I'm barely at my place lately. So I'm exhausted when I am here and I'm worried that this blog might come across a little angry / whiny which is 100% not me or how everything is going. Tons of shit has happened that has made me laugh (the only shit I blog), but I've been worried it would suck in blog-form. I'm happy as shit lately and everything's going great, so a tired blog just won't do that justice. And the second I look at this blog and realize it's even coming close to being emo-esque, then fuck that I quit. So yeah, that explains the absence of me in the blog world. But I'll be back more regularly now that I've gotten settled.