This is embarrassing, someone take me away from Harry Potter

Back when Pottermania was first hitting, I put it off as a fad. I wanted nothing to do with it. I was nearing the end of high school, and felt that I was above books. Especially books about wizards. I mean what the hell is that, I thought, what's so magical about having to read? Reading sucks. I'm gonna play my drums.

I remember in 99 or so picking up my grandma from the airport and she asked me if I was reading the new Harry Potter.
My voice got lower (I don't know if I was trying to impress my grandma with my manliness or if I thought she was going deaf and could only hear low sounds, I was pretty dumb back then) and I replied: "yeah!" (gave a thumbs up then frowned as I shifted it to a thumbs-down.)
For those keeping score: I lowered my 14-yr old voice to impress my grandma, I used an expression that was played-out when the Berlin Wall fell, and insulted her intelligence when she had just flown across the country to see our family. Yeah, I was such a badass 14 yr old.


Flash forward to the summer after my fresh year in college, and ffej (who used to work at a theater) takes me on a straight-man-date to see the harry potter movie that was out, for free. Cool free movie, whatever I'll go. I liked it. A lot. But you know what I liked most about it? No reading. Reading still sucks, especially now that I had turned into a college man who was introduced to stuff like beer; which was the anti-book, or in other words: awesome.


Well flash forward to last week, when I was bored so I picked up the first HP novel. Cool it's like written for a 6th grader, I can do this. I liked it. More than I was willing to admit. It even cut into my looking-at-porn-time. Which is basically sacred. I knew the books got thicker and had bigger words as they went, but that evil genius / sataness (it's a word, if I say so) Rowling makes the change in difficulty gradual so I didn't notice until it was too late. Well now as of writing this I've read up through book five in about 10 days. Yeah, that's about 250 pages a day. I'll probly be done with all 7 by Friday or so. I read fast, and have been staying up way too late trying to figure out what happens to Harry and that hot jailbait Emma Wats- er.... Hermione. I CANT STOP READING!! FUCK YOU WORDS! STOP MAKING ME THINK!! BOOKS ARE FOR GIRLS WHO SIT IN THE BACK OF CLASS AND READ STAR WARS NOVELS AND DON'T BRUSH THEIR HAIR OR WASH THEIR FACE!! (off topic but we all knew one... yeah even 14 yr old me looked cool compared to her. She sucked).


Oh how the mighty have fallen. I used to think I was cool. Now I just wish I was at Hogwarts...